November 26, 2007WTF IS THE WORLD COMING TO?
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your
> house faster than an ambulance. > > > 2. Only in America......are there handicap parking > places in front of a skating rink. > > > 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick > walk all the way to the back of the store to get > their prescriptions while healthy people can buy > cigarettes at the front. > > > 4. Only in America......do people order double > cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. > > > 5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors > open and then chain the pens to the counters. > > > 6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth > thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our > useless junk in the garage. > > > 7. Only in America......do we use answering machines > to screen calls and then have call waiting so we > won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to > talk to in the first place. > > > 8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in > packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. > > > 9. Only in America......do we use the word > 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' > in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning > 'bloodsucking creatures' > > . > 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's > with Braille lettering. > > > EVER WONDER > Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? > > > Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth > closed? > > > Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins > Lottery"? > > > Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? > > > Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? > > > Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and > dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? > > > Why is the man who invests all your money called a > broker? > > > Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic > called rush hour? > > > Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? > > > When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests > it? > > > Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? > > > Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal > injections? > > > You know that indestructible black box that is used > on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane > out of that stuff?? > > > Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? > > > Why are they called apartments when they are all > stuck together? > > > If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the > opposite of progress? > > > If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport > the terminal? > > > ------------------ > In case you needed further proof that the human race > is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual > label instructions on consumer goods: > > > On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( > that's the only time I have to work on my hair). > > > On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No > purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter > special)? > > > On a bar o f Dial soap: "Directions: Use like > regular soap." (and that would be how???....) > > > On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: > Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). > > > On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do > not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, > huh)! > > > On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be > hot after heating." (...and you thought????...) > > > On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron > clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more > time?) > > > On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a > car or operate machinery after taking this > medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate > of construction accidents if we could just get those > 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) > > > On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." > (and.. .I'm taking this because???....) > > > On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or > outdoor use only." (as opposed to...w hat?) > > > On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for > the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on > this. I'm a bit curious.) > > > On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." > (talk about a news flash) > > > On an American Airlines packet of nuts: > "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: > maybe, uh...fly Delta?) > > > On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this > garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame > the company. I blame the parents for this one.) > > > On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain > with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of > this happening somewhere?) > > > Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn > to spread the stupidity and Post this so someone you > want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in > other words, post it for everyone. We all need to > smile every once in a while.
Posted on 11/26/2007 3:17 PM Comments (0)
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